Stop Apologizing. SAY THIS INSTEAD! [CC English & Español] | Kati Morton
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JOIN NOW: https://www.youtube.com/katimorton/join I was recently reading an article on one of my favorite blogs Man Repeller about these two phrases and it really got me thinking. As an avid over apologizer I really wanted to understand the difference between the two and see where I could improve. Because if I’m being honest, I really hate that I say sorry so much, and I vividly remember getting yelled at by my softball coach to “stop saying sorry so much” to which I replied by saying (obviously) “sorry.” I was probably about 13 or 14 at the time, and after that interaction I became overly aware of just how often I found myself saying sorry. I would try to stop, but then I would feel like a total jerk and the guilt would ruin my day. I couldn’t figure out what to do, I even brought it up in therapy years later and my therapist tried to figure out why I was saying it so much.. Well maybe I can save you all those tough conversations and tell you what I learned about myself.
I say I’m sorry all the time because I hate upsetting people and I avoid confrontation at all costs. By saying I’m sorry, even when the situation doesn’t warrant it, I am doing my best to please others and stay out of the way so to speak. It’s almost like I needed to apologize for even existing, like I could upset someone by just being there.. So I would keep saying sorry over and over.
What my therapist had me do next is to work on my confidence. I know that may sound off base, but if I felt the need to apologize for just being, I obviously must not think too highly of myself. And that did help a TON, but I still found myself saying it too much. I am trying to be okay with the idea that I cannot please everyone. It’s simply not possible...I mean just think about it, if 2 people disagree with what should take place, what does someone like me do? If I don’t want to upset either of them I honestly can’t do anything. I will have to displease one of them, and you know what I have learned… it’s most important that I am pleased. And that’s the truth. One of my favorite quotes or sayings is “you can’t let yourself on fire to keep someone else warm” and I am really trying to remember that and have healthy boundaries around what I will do or not do for someone else, and truly what I will do for myself.
Okay, enough rambling on the topic of saying sorry. Now onto the phrase “thank you” because this is something I am trying to say more! While “sorry” is an apology and something you would say when you have wronged someone else, “thank you” is an acknowledgement of someone doing something right. You are letting them know you noticed it and you are grateful. For example if I show up late to meet someone instead of saying “sorry I’m late” because the other person will only say “oh it’s okay” and I will say sorry again and then they will say it’s okay again, and we will settle in. Instead if I say “thank you for waiting” I am acknowledging what they did for me. They waited. Sorry in a way makes it all about the person who did something wrong or inconsiderate instead of focusing of the person who was waiting. Does that make sense? I hope so. So after reading this blog post I have decided to try and say thank you when someone did something nice for me instead of saying sorry.
Manrepeller Article: https://www.manrepeller.com/20....19/01/there-are-two- My Book Today! Are u ok? http://bit.ly/2s0mULyTry BetterHelp
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